WTF (what's this for)?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, wondering to myself why it is that I do some of the things that I do. Why I feel this need to be outdoors or this near unbearable urge to be away and in situations where I am alone or in some sort of danger.

Am I an adrenaline junky? Do I need to feel alive? No, that isn't it. Do I hate people and being around them? No. I rather like people.

So what is it? Why do I do the things that I do, and what's the point of it?

I'm starting to realize that no matter who says that they love me, or how many friends claim to "get me", they never really will. Because my answer makes it difficult for people to accept me.

The point of the things that I do is fairly simple. I do them to do them. Why? I don't really know, and it doesn't really matter.

Oh, it matters to everyone else. But I do things because something in me says it needs to be done. The question "why" makes me feel childlike because the only response I can come up with is "because".

I have met some amazing people in my life and shared time with some amazing, lovely women. But I don't honestly believe that there is a woman, or even a friend of any gender really, that could accept this about me. It doesn't make a lot of sense and I'm aware of that.

Do I think I'll grow old and die alone. Actually, no, I don't. But I think that marriage will be an adventure for another time. Perhaps if I meet a gal who is willing to hike the Appalachian Trail with me I'll have found the one.

Oh, and I'm not talking about walking on part of the trail. I'm talking about the whole damn thing. Over 2000 miles. At typical speed, you're talking about 6 months. Why would I even want to do that?

Because it's there. Hell, my question would be, why not?

The things that I do, and at a more basic level the things I seem to want(I guess, though it could be the other way around) make sense to me only because they "FEEL" right. I'm not necessarily talking about emotions, either. It's tough to explain.

I guess it's like finding someone you know you want to spend the rest of your life with(you know, until you realize that he has no definable direction and only answers your questions with "because" or "I don't know"). That initial feeling of, "this is right". That's how it feels for me. It just feels right.

And it's one of the only things in my life that has felt right without wavering. It has its share of stresses involved (like thinking you might plummet to your death or getting lots of cuts and bruises from stumbling into those DAMN thorn bushes that seem to be all over out here), but when all is done, I feel right.

That's what matters to me. Feeling right. With my world and myself. Try it. You might like it.